So I did it. I jumped on the iPhone bandwagon. On Friday, back at work and staring at the walls with my usual scowl I decided that was it. I was sick of my prehistoric blackberry and I was going to get an iPhone and be like the cool kids. Mike was supposed to get me one for Christmas and obviously that hadn’t happened, so I would get one for myself. I was an independent woman and all that other shit.
George had been saying he’d get me one. When I told him I bought it for myself, he flipped out. “No Chrissy I was going to buy it for you for Christmas!” He said, disappointed. I didn’t want to feel like I owed him anything, and it wasn’t like I couldn’t afford it. I don’t want to rely on men for everything, as surprising as that may sound for people reading this blog.
So now, for the past three days I have been glued to my shiny new white and gold iPhone 5S. I told Eric they put crack in it, because I can’t stop playing with it. I need iPhone rehab already.
And by jumping on the iPhone bandwagon I mean it: I jumped on with both hands and both feet. First order of business – Tinder. Everyone else is doing it! I knew it was where Chris met Kat, and they’re still dating. I mean, he hadn’t dumped her on facebook yet…
I thought maybe it would be a good way to distract myself from constantly thinking about Mike and stalking him on social media and feeling shitty about myself. I think my feeling about Tinder is mixed. I can only be distracted for so long, but once I start actually talking to these people, I’m constantly reminded they’re not Mike. And I want them to be Mike. And then I think, they seem to think I’m interesting and fun to talk to, why wouldn’t Mike think that about me? Then I remember he did, before he broke up with me…this leads to a bad place…it leads me to say…and so too will any other guy I see…and they still won’t be Mike. Terrible, stupid self-deprecating circular logic.
I literally swiped on Tinder for hours. I swiped from the time I got home from work and set up my profile at about six in the evening until I went over to see Cora at her house. I was supposed to be there at eight, but I was Tindering with a furious intensity that could not be curbed, so I showed up at around nine. Laura was there, nine months pregnant and ready to go any day. Cora’s fiancé made her and I vodka martinis and we then drank wine until we were both pretty drunk. Laura watched us, envious while drinking water and taking many pee breaks. I talked about my breakup (because they asked), and then I showed them Tinder. Cora took my phone and started swiping for me. “You know she’s going to ruin your life, Tina,” Laura told me. “I know, look at her, she keeps picking the young ones,” I said. Cora’s fiancé is 25 or maybe he’s turned 26 now, I’m not sure. She’s always telling me to give the young guys a chance. “You can mould them, Tina,” she says, “before they know what’s hit them you’ll have turned them into your perfect man!” I always laugh because all our friends know if the guy isn’t at least 5+ years older than me, I am just not interested. I had to be Andrea’s mother at a really young age – and at the same time I had to be David’s. I won’t do that again. I need the alpha male, I need a bit of a ”boss” – but not an asshole…there’s such a fine line sometimes…
I didn’t swipe right to very many, but I was happy to see that pretty much everyone I did choose must have also chosen me, because I kept getting matches showing up. There’s about twenty or so matches sitting there in the app, but only a few people I have actually decided to spend time talking to. The two that I have tentative plans to meet with this week are both forty. One splits his time between my city and LA though, we’ll see what happens with that. It’s a short week for me anyway, I’m off to Mexico on Friday with Bianca. That should be…interesting. Hopefully we don’t end up sold into the sex trade and trafficked to Moldova. Pray for me. She’s seeing some former NHL hockey player now who also splits his time between my city and LA. It’s only been a couple of weeks.
Tinder allows you to see if you and the person you’re about to swipe have any facebook friends in common. I flinched when two people came up that were friends with Mike. It made me wonder if they were good enough friends with him to tell him they’d seen me on Tinder. Then I thought…you know what? It’s probably good that he knows I’m on there. He shouldn’t think I’m wallowing over him. He shouldn’t get an ego boost from that thought. And the worst thing that can happen is he could be intrigued by what I’m up to, and reconsider his shitty decision to break up with me.
I feel like we’re playing a bit of that exes-on-facebook game. I’m not sure what the rules are, but I look to see when he’s online and if he’s posted anything all the time. I know he’s always been pretty active on facebook; and that first time we broke up and then reconciled, he commented to me on the bottle of Bordeaux picture I’d posted the night George had taken me for dinner. So I know he looks at what I post. Last night I friended one of George’s friends I’ve known forever. The guy is an idiot, but he’s very good-looking and in his early forties. If he can do it, I can do it. I thought. This is really petty and stupid, and I feel like I’m 16, but I just don’t care. “You shouldn’t have done that Tina,” George told me today, “he’s wanted to date you forever and now he’s not going to leave you alone. I told him to stay away from you months ago when he looked you up in the phonebook and realized you two didn’t live too far from each other and he wanted to go over to your house and surprise you.” “What?!” I said.
Why is the world so damn crazy?